Fine, ok? I fucked up.

Jesus Christ, get off my dick! So I haven't blogged in months, what do you care?
Yea, whatever. OK, so to update, the following things happened:

I went to Berlin.
I was frightened by Berlin.
I warmed up to Berlin.
The Knicks got Zack Randolph.
Ted came to Berlin.
I went to Amsterdam with Mike.
I saw the Beastie Boys in Berlin with Wilhelmstrasse.
I went to Vienna with my family.
I came home.
I sat on my ass.
Nate-Rob and Renaldo kicked ass in summer league.
I went to Rock the Bells.
I delivered pizza, twice.
I went to three straight Mets games (1-2).
I saw Daft Punk.
I helped John and Andrew record songs with Ted.
I got to Duke.
PEDRO CAME BACK!
Duke beat Northwestern.
The Mets are KILLING ME.
I came to work today.

Now that we're all caught up, let's clear up a few things:

ONE: The Mets are still the best team in baseball. The Phillies 'have our number,' but the fact remains that they suck ass. And we have Pedro.

TWO: As much as I would love David Wright to be MVP this year, I really think it belongs to Matt Holliday. His numbers may be inflated by playing half his games at Coors, but his numbers are INSANE: .337, 36 dingers, and 131 ribbies, for crying out loud! and his splits actually aren't that bad. (If you double them, he's still pretty killer.)

Here comes the other problem with Holliday - the Rockies are not making the playoffs. This is where Wright gains a slight edge. Still, although David's been fairly consistent the whole year, he's never actually carried the team for more than like a game or two, as pathetic as the Mets have appeared from time to time. Looking at the other playoff teams (fuck Philly), you can't point at anyone and say they are the reason this team is in contention, unless you want to start thinking about pitchers, in which case Jake Peavy is your man.

So if it comes down to Peavy, Wright, and Holliday I think you have to go with David based on his beautiful smile and charming demeanor, yet Holliday to me at least is much more valuable to his (albeit kind of crappy) team.

THREE: Fuck Navy. Thats such fucking bullshit we lost to those ambiguously gay cocksuckers. Regardless of last minute game-winning drives, I'm still proud of our offense and probably most excited with that UNREAL catch from out of bounds Eron Riley had for the first score. As Eric said: "Eron rocks the Eron."

FOUR: I think its kind of bullshit that the lacrosse kids want so much fucking money. They're probably just 'high-balling' the city, expecting them to make a counter offer thats more reasonable. Yea, I think they deserve a settlement but ten million dollars is a LOT of fucking money. Plus, they already got over a million from Duke, which is also horseshit. I get that Duke needed to settle so they didn't make a fucking actual trial over it, but come on, that's unbelievable. Whatever the professors said, and I'm not sure there was anything wrong with that, Brodhead did everything right, and for some reason the University is at fault. Shenanigans.

FIVE: This blogue is due for an update. Suggest a new name, tell me what to do, whatever, but the site will look DRASTICALLY different next week and I'll start updating with supreme regularity and extreme prejudice.

Till next time.

Not Very Much To Say

Curt Schilling is a Pussy

Baron Davis is an asshole

The Mets are so sick

Finals suck dick

NBA Playoff Preview

It's the NBA playoffs, and you know what that means, kids: more close games, more actual hustle, and more fixed games. I may get an unfair advantage on this preview for having seen the results of four games already, but seriously, its not like any of this matters. (I have the Knicks over the Mets in 6.) ON TO THE PLECTRA!

First, the West:

#1 Dallas vs. #8 Golden State

Seriously? Golden State is supposed to beat them? This is such a nice story, and maybe Golden State will pick up ONE game at home, but seriously? Did you SEE the Mavs this year? I realize GS swept the season series but you honestly can't expect Dallas to not kick their asses. Who, exactly, are the Warriors counting on? Baron Davis is no Swan. Stephen Jackson is no Ajax.

Baseball Furies in five.

#2 Phoenix vs. #7 Los Angeles (Lakers)

This is a sweet rematch of last year's awesome series, only this time Phoenix kicks even more ass and Kobe loves shooting even more. In related news, most of the other Lakers suck as well. While the good news is that Kobe is killing this season with ten games of 50+ points, you may not have realized that only three of those games were against playoff teams (Utah and Houston twice), and not the playoff teams that you need to beat. Maybe Kobe has one game winner left in him, but I seriously doubt Phoenix will let it get that close. Still, you shouldn't rule out the possibility of the league fixing this series to go at least six, so they can milk Kobe for all he's worth, but seriously, fuck that shit.

Suns in five.

#3 San Antonio vs. #6 Denver

I don't have much to say about this series, mostly because I haven't seen either of these teams play. Will this new Iverson cause trouble for San Antonio? Will the Spurs bore the Nugs to death? I honestly don't know much more than this: Denver stole one in San Antonio two years ago, and Tim Duncan is whiny bitch.

Spurs in six?

#4 Utah v.s #5 Houston

As Yale says, this is the "series to watch" in the first round. You may be thinking this is because they are very evenly matched teams, but I think its much more significant that we have Shane Battier vs. Carlos Boozer. Personally, I'm not sure Battier's flopping is at a playoff level yet (He won a totaly of 0 games out of like twelve with Memphis), nor am I sure "Williams to Boozer" has quite as much meaning as "Stockton to Malone." I guess we'll just have to see. I feel like a lot of people are taking Houston since McGrady is 'due' and Utah has no one to guard Yao, and while both of these things are true (as demonstrated in the game last night), I still feel like the series will end in a tie.

Utah in seven? whatever, who cares? The West sucks anyway.

The East, on the other hand, KICKS ASSES.

#1 Detroit vs. #8 Orlando

I don't know what is more mildly interesting; seeing if the Magic will actually win a game or seeing how everybody in Detroit will react to Grant Hill and Darko's homecoming. Neither of these storylines interest me in the least. They only really exciting thing is the prospect of JJ choking for the first time as a professional.

Pistons in four.

#2 Cleveland vs. #7 Washington

I understand why people are upset Gilbert is not in the playoffs, but you know what? I hate Gilbert Arenas, and I think he's a huge asshole. There, I said it. Fuck him and his fucking knee or whatever fuck he busted. Asshole. I would have loved to see him on the free throw line while LeBron whispers some more sweet nothings in his ear. Piece of shit. And I hope he doesn't make the world championship team either. ech.

Cleveland in five.

#3 Toronto vs. #6 New Jersey
*UPSET SPECIAL*
Since they're all fucking playing best of seven now its almost impossible for upsets to occur, except when these conditions are met:
a) Toronto sucks

This being said, Jason Kidd still beats his (ex-)wife, Vince Carter is a homosexual pedophile and Stephon Marbury is a better basketball player than either of them. It is raining outside.

Nets in six.

#4 Miami vs. #5 Chicago

I've been waiting all week to say this: "Although Chicago has been the sexy pick to win the East this year, I'm not sure they have what it takes." This was before game one. This will be a sick series, from the window to Luol.

Chicago in seven.


So basically that's it. I want to see more of all of these teams before I go any further but I will be rooting for Dallas over Cleveland (though right now, I think it will be more along the lines of Phoenix over Detroit).

Other News:

I don't know what you're doing next Tuesday night at nine (don't worry, Idol is at eight), but Law & Order: Criminal Intent (the one with Vincent D'onofrio and Chris Noth) is doing the Anna Nicole Smith thing and David Cross is playing her the Howard K Stern character. Yea, you read that right. Mark your calendars, people.

The Mets lost another series to the Braves already this season. Kelly Johnson (who touched us up for two dingers) apparantly remarked that the rivalry was back this season, and I can't say I'm happy with how it's gone so far. Last season they put up a pretty good fight, but we need to act like some real fucking champions and step it up against them. Our problems were mostly bullpen-related, and I'm starting to really miss Duaner and the rest of the competent staff from last year. Feliciano and Schoenweis kindof both suck and Heilman's post-traumatic-molina-disorder is getting kind of out of hand.

I saw Greg Paulus wearing a Michael Jordan Wizards jersey today, and I looked at him and shook my head. I wanted to spit on him, but I didn't want him to cry in front of Griffin Tormey, who is probably his last remaining friend on the team. I swear, that kid is fucking asking for it.

sleep tight.

Rained Out

Today is the second straight Mets rainout. It's driving me slightly crazy because I bought MLB GameDay Audio the other day in an effort to keep in better touch with the 'politans, but I guess this is how it goes. Doubleheaders later in the season are exciting for us fans but fuck up pitching rotations and off days and all that shit, especially when you have four-day rest freak show Tommy Glavine on your staff. Nevertheless, this weeks post is both one day late and lacking a coherent focus. I thought of doing a Knicks season in review, but the fact of the matter is I really didn't watch more that fifteen games this whole year. I also thought of putting together an argument for why Keith Hernandez should be elected to the hall of fame, in response to something my professor said in Baseball class last week. I will eventually get to all of this, but first I have some disturbing news:

Piazza hints pinstripes would fit him [NY Daily News]

MOTHER FUCKER! I have nothing but all the respect in the world for this 'man' and what he has done for my people (lord knows we hadn't seen facial hair that awesome in quite some time), but seriously, what the fuck? It's so shitty that nobody has respect for rivalries anymore (Bill Simmons wrote the same thing like a few months ago, I know). Does Mike really not remember this shit? ^^^

Honestly, it would KILL me to see him in a Yankees uniform. Thankfully, this is just one of those stupid fucking Daily News articles that in reality means nothing, but it sucks so much to hear Mike say "I''ll never say never."

Knicks Season in 'Review'
I have to say I am generally underwhelmed with this season. It started out kind of crappy, I know but I was optimistic at the outset: With Dolan's ultimatum I could appreciate every win as a satisfactory moment and I could appreciate every loss as one more game closer to Isaiah getting fired. I was ready to lose many many games, but also excited to see Channing, David, RENALDO(!), Mardy, and to a lesser extent Nate, as well as watching Jamal and Eddy play under a coach they actually respected.

So the season started slowly, and I was content just to ride along and wait until the playoffs (again, but whatever), but all of a sudden we became a pretty exciting team to watch. Now, I have to explain this by saying that me getting excited about the Knicks pretty evenly coincided with coming home and being able to watch the games with regularity (and of course the razzling/dazzling commentary of my second-favorite Just for Men spokesman).

But seriously, I got to see some of the SICKEST games this winter: Marbury's lay-up at the buzzer to beat the Jazz, David Lee's FUCKING UNREAL tip-in against Charlotte (and the priceless shot of Michael F. Jordan getting sassed by Knicks fans after), and the HUGE triple-overtime win over Detroit were easily three of the top ten basketball moments I've had the pleasure to watch on television. Suddenly, in an admittedly second-rate Eastern Conference, the Knicks were in position for a playoff spot. Isaiah's job was safer, but I really didn't care - we were winning and it was so god damn fun to watch.

When I got back to school I almost immedietly missed watching them 'succeed' - I would have died to watch Jamal's 50 point game against Miami (vengeance, finally!), and I also missed Stevie 'Lottery Team' Francis's* buzzer beater at Washington. (I ended up falling ass-backwards into free NBA-League Pass for about six weeks, which turned out to be pretty sick.)

The final turning point in the season came with Isaiah's extention. I can't say that at the time I was upset: the players liked playing for Isaiah, the team seemed like they were getting on the right track, and we were - gasp - positioned to make a run for the playoffs. Playoffs? Seriously? (I would have died to see us lose to Detroit next week, especially now that it would have been four straight instead of three.) Things were looking up too: Indiana was tanking fast and Wade just dislocated his shoulder and Shaq was fresh off his offseason. (On a tangent, I hope Pedro's sabbatical leaves him as refreshed and rejuvenated as Shaq has looked since he started really playing.) But alas, reality seeped in slowly, with injuries and perhaps some complacency on Isaiah's part.

Eddy had a really interesting quote the other day that pretty much sums up how I feel about the season. I can't find it right now, but he explains that he's frustrated at the way the season is ending, mostly due to the injuries and what could have happened if everybody didn't go down all at once. It all start with Crawford's ankle injury, which came as a shock seeing as he was playing out of his mind at the time. Francis came in at the 2 and had some success (we all knew he loved to shoot), but my lasting memory of his performance this season will not be the buzzer-beater at the Wizards, it will be him turning his back to the basket (and the clock) with three seconds left against the NOOCH a month ago. (From our $10 seats Andrew and I had a perfect view of how that shit fell apart.) Next thing you know, David Lee has some mysterious bone bruise or something (ruining his chance to follow in John Stark's footsteps and be 6th man of the year), followed by Q's inevitable season-ending ailment. Marbury's toe injury and Renaldo's flu don't even mean anything anymore, but you have to think how different things would be if our rotation was a healthy Marbury, Crawford, Q, Channing , Curry, with Lee, Jeffries, James, Balkman, Collins and - sigh - Robinson and Francis off the bench.

The low point of the season had to be the Big-Mac debacle. When I first saw the headline on RealGM I thought maybe they were making fun of Eddy's fat ass, but seriously folks, our 'attitude' is getting a bit annoying. Mostly, I feel it's just fellow blogger Nate Robinson being an overagressive moron, but it's hard to tell how much of this unfounded braggadocio is a result of Isaiah's influence on the team. At first I thought it was cute that he was sticking up for the team against that classless asshole Bruce Bowen, and I was totally in support of the brawl with Denver (Carmelo really sealed his fate as a gutless prick for me there), mostly because George Karl is a fat shithead. But this last thing kind of embarrassed me. Also, it pissed me off that Scott Skiles found it necessary to be a dick about it afterwards. He seems to be showing the same class as a coach as he did at Michigan State. (I'm relying entirely on his depiction in "A Season on the Brink" for this, by the way, and its possible that Knight and Feinstein were exaggerating shit in the book, but consider me officially rooting against this asshole in the playoffs. More on this next week.)

Garnett next year? I dont really know if I'm as excited as some are for that possibility: first off, it will reunite KG and his old friend Stephon, and I'm not sure either of them really want that to happen. It would be weird to see how Eddy would react to playing with KG too, but mostly I don't like the idea because it would mean Channing, David and Renaldo could all be gone. My suggestion: draft Josh McRoberts (selfish reasons), drop Francis and Malik 'worthless' Rose as fast as possible and go for it again next year with pretty much a similar cast. Also, Randolph Morris sucks, I think.

A Side Note: I was awfully critical of Isaiah last June when after the draft he said he would rather have Eddy Curry than any of the players available. Now, it seems like the Curry trade - yikes - wasn't that bad for the Knicks. Stop Mike Lupica makes the case that Curry has made considerable strides this season alone, and the Bulls are left with moron dickhead Tyrus Thomas and a pick in this year's lottery. I pray though that our pick does not fall in the top two. That would be a fucking disaster. But honestly, what are the chances?

Keith for President
After giving it a lot of thought, (besides being probably the coolest cat to ever grace the) the three biggest things Keith has going for him are:
1) 11 straight Gold Gloves (which is really fucking impressive, honestly)
2) He was the only Captain in Mets team history (maybe not for long)
3) He seriously has the best moustache in the history of Western Civilization

His batting stats are not particularly impressive, as his power numbers were fairly low (not many dingers, never 100 rbi), and his career batting average tanked due to a pretty shitty performance his last few years with the Mets and hitting at the Mendoza line in Cleveland. On top of this, his image as a bad-boy coke-head who corrupted two potential SUPER stars (Darryl and Doc) has only hurt his chances. But seriously, if Mattingly ever makes it, Keith absolutely cannot be left out.

Any discussion of getting Keith in the Hall would be incomplete without a look at Quest For Keith. See for yourself; the evidence is irrefutable.

Miscellany
Islanders and Buffalo Game Three tonight. It's good to have DiPietro back in goal, but let's see how long they can keep this shit up. (UPDATE: DiPietro makes 32 saves and the Isles lose).
This is an awesome look back at multi sports athletes from josh q. public. Complete with appropriate lyrical outbursts.
I have nothing cool to note about music this week. Jack has a good read on the oddly facinating success of Snoop Dogg. Also, this is almost unlistenable but still amusing.


This ended up being pretty long. I apologize to anyone who actually read any of it.


Next Week: NBA Playoff Preview

* Ted came up with that.

Clap Your Hands Say Yeah and TI @ Cameron Indoor Stadium 4/7/06

Who are the ad wizards who came up with this one? Honestly people, this may not seem like a terrible idea at first passing, but putting any thought to the logistics of having these two groups together would have led any reasonablly minded person to think 'wow, this is beyond dumb.' Think about it: CYHSY and TI's merch tables next to eachother. CYHSY and TI's fans coexisting. CYHSY and TI meeting eachother, for christs sake. I can't even imagine what that must have been like, if it happened at all.

Cameron Indoor Stadium : Worst. Venue. Ever.
Wow, just wow. The absolute worst acoustics I have heard in my entire life. I remember downloading a Grateful Dead show at Cameron freshman year, and thinking both that the sound quality was miserable and that it would be so sweet to see a sweet band live in Cameron. I guess I never considered that the reason the Dead show sounded so shitty was the reason ANY concert in Cameron would sound shitty. Someone needs to put an end to this.
On top of that, the seating situation was a disaster. I got a ticket for GA in the left bleachers thinking that the GA on the floor was sold out. While the floor was indeed sold out, it was not packed with people standing, but rather neatly "filled" with roughly 200 folding chairs. This led me (and Josh and Ian) to figure that these folks would then be allowed to fill the aisles, but no, this was simply not the case. "No rushing the stage" and "No standing in the aisles" were the words of advice from the 'surprisingly friendly' security guards. So we're left with approximately half of the floor left ENTIRELY EMPTY, and NO ONE IS ALLOWED TO DANCE THERE.

"What is this, the town from Footloose?" - me, after we got 'kicked out' for dancing

Clap Your Hands Say Yeah
I feel so bad for this band. I hope they got paid really well; if they chose to play at the Cradle, they may not have made much more money (or maybe they might have), but they certainly would have been recieved and treated about 45-50 times better.
Fucking Duke kids. Maybe the band knew how bad a crowd this was going to be: when they got to the stage, announced at the beginning of the set (as if they had just been told of their time limit) they would be playing 11 songs. They were then met with a collective groan from the crowd. This was essentially the theme of the night. The band was trying to be coy and clever abaout having an uninterested crowd and these kids were so unresponsive to it. Here's a solution: if you don't like the opener DONT SHOW UP FOR THE OPENER, YOU FUCKING MORONS. The acoustics made the situation even worse: most of the instrumentation was entirely inaudible, and the singer's voice (which is admittedly hard to swallow) was the only element that carried well. The set itself wasn't bad: I knew a few songs from the first album, and their new songs were pretty sweet.

"Have a good night. Nice to meet you guys." - the 30-something couple who sat next to us as left immedietly after the set

TI
After CYHSY, TI didn't show up for about an hour. (Somehow, I doubt the two acts were ever in the building at the same time.) Ian joked that since TI stood tor "Totally Instrumentless" the switch should only take a few minutes, since they only had to move the band's gear from the stage, but we weren't that lucky.
We left after like fifteen minutes. He only sang about fifteen seconds of "Rubber Band Man," after which he launched into that song from that Chevrolet commerical. Apparantly we didn't miss too much since he only played about half an hour more. (This is what Kanye did three LDOCs ago too, and I can imagine how irate the crowd was at this.) For the audience's sake I hope he found the time to do a reprise of "Rubber Band Man."

Other Notes
Baseball is finally back. Vengeance is ours, and holds of questionable significance.
David Newhan has taken #17. I hope Keith Hernandez has a little chat with him, like he did with Jose Lima.
The Sopranos' denouement starts tonight.
Paul Thompson from Pitchfork has a good take on the new Sgt.Pepper tribute album.